Dear thing
by Nastia Cullen
Summary: Edward keeps a diary? Year is 2020. Rated T for later chapters. A little OOC... not much though. Funny.
1. Chapter 1

**This sucks. Why am I even writing this? *cough cough* *Marie Elaine Cullen***

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and I'm not Stephenie Meyer.**_

* * *

June 15, 2020

Dear, thing.

I do not dare say 'Dear Diary'. Oh, who am I kidding this is a diary! It even says 'Diary' with Bella's neat printing on the cover. Let me just tell you, I am definitely not the kind of guy (well… vampire) who writes in a diary. I am doing this for Bella. It would hurt her feelings if I did not write in here. She is watching me from across the room right now....

What do people write in these things anyway? What is the point? I remember Bella saying something about 'letting your feelings out' or 'getting to know yourself better'. Don't get me wrong, I love Bella dearly, but her idea of me writing in a diary is just absurd!

But still, I love Bella, I would do anything for her. And anything includes writing in a diary, so here I am, me, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, writing in a diary (Only for Bella's sake of course.)

Nobody in my family will ever find out about this little diary thing. I would be the laughing stock for centuries.

A guy (vampire) who does not write in diaries,

Edward Cullen.

* * *

**I'll try to update soon with more.  
**

**Review if you want me to continue...**


	2. Chapter 2

**I got a few reviews so here is the next chapter!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and I'm not Stephenie Meyer.**_

* * *

June 16, 2020

Dear thing,

Bella took my diary and read it, well, that one thing I wrote in this yesterday anyway. I thought people don't read other peoples diaries! She promised not to do it again though but started telling me all these things I did wrong in the last thing I wrote.

Apparently, there is a correct way to write in diaries and I am doing it wrong. In fact, I think I will write some of the things Bella mentioned I did wrong in here.

Mistake one: She said that it is incorrect to put Dear thing and that you have to say Dear diary. I think that is just stupid… if I have to write in here I am not calling it a diary. I mean, it's a thing… I am calling it Dear thing. And that is final.

Mistake two: You are supposed to write about important things and events in your life here, like what you did that day or are doing at the moment. Bella said that my entry had absolutely nothing I did yesterday in it…. she said I should have written about our last day of school (yesterday…), or hunting, or whatever we did at night (I am not getting into that at the moment).

Mistake three: She said I am writing too formally! How is this too formally? I thought I was being very informal. But in correct diary writing you have to write in 'slang' and misspell every other word… I am not snooping down to levels so low. This is low enough… writing in a diary…

Mistake four: In diaries you do not have to put things in parentheses or quotes. I told her I liked putting the words in them and she just sighed and shook her head, moving on. Am I seriously that bad at writing in diaries?

Mistake five: Bella said that I need to put more emotion into my writing... apparently I have no emotion in here. I guess I need to work on that. But love in an emotion right? And so is anger...

I'm sure there would have been a mistake six, and seven, and eight, heck, Bella would go on about my diary errors for an eternity! But I kissed her suddenly just when she was going to say 'mistake six' and then… well lets say we just sorta got carried away and forgot all about diary mistakes.

So I guess my 'dazzling skills' as Bella calls them still have their affect on people… well, vampires in her case.

I guess tomorrow I can attempt to actually write what is going on at the moment or something else that doesn't sound too mental.

An insane person who is actually writing in a diary and hears voices in his head,

Edward Cullen.

* * *

**I have no clue where this story is going...**

**Ah, review if you want me to keep going!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the kind reviews/favorites/alerts!! Here is the next chapter... enjoy?**

_**Disclaimer: Not mine.  
**_

* * *

June 17, 2020

Dear thing,

Maybe I should pretend to be human. You know, write something like, 'I just woke up and ate cereal'. But the last time I woke up was over a century ago and I'm not sure if I ate cereal back then…

Okay, anyway I need to focus on what happened today. Let's see here… Alice dragged Bella and me shopping… and we just got back. That is all we did today. Shopping. With Alice. You would thing that after shopping for so many decades a person (vampire) would get tired of it… I know I am…

You know, this writing about what is going on is boring. I don't see why people do it. Well, unless there is something interesting going on…

I know what I should write! I'll write down what everyone's thinking right now!! Here are everyones thoughts:

Esme – Hmm I hope this color will look good on our kitchen wall… maybe paint the bathroom with it… maybe the door? or…

Carlisle – And if we go hunting in one week then that would have been 3 ½ weeks since we hunted… or should we hunt in 3 days then…

Alice – Ooo! This would look cute with those shoes I bought today… I know Bella will be mad that we're going to the mall again but I need this! Ooo! And this would look good with that shirt I bought for Bella… that's it! We're going! lets see here...

Jasper – Maybe I should go on a quick hunt soon… I'm getting a little thirsty… or should I wait and ask Carlisle when we will go… Oh, sensing some excitement coming from Alice… she must have found something in that catalog that she wants… I hope she drags someone else to the mall besides me…

Rosalie – I wonder what my hair would be like as a brunette… but I don't want to dye it… I know Emmett likes it blonde. I wonder if I should go straighten it right now… or just leave it… I never put my hair up enough… but Emmett likes it down so I'll keep it down. I'm happy Alice got this skirt for me…

Emmett – Damn! Rose looks nice in that skirt!! I need to remember to thank Alice for that... Maybe I should go stand closer to Rose… that's better… but damn that skirt it hot!! It will be better off… oh, shit, Edward are you listening? Sorry for that mental pic bro…

Ok. Maybe that was not the best idea... especially Emmett. That mental picture was very detailed… But it was pretty entertaining to actually write it all down…

I would write down Jacob and Renesmee's thoughts but they decided to go swimming today so they are not close by right now. I think I will go ask Bella to take down her shield. I will be right back

....................

I'm back. I told Bella that I was writing everyones thoughts (she wanted to read it.. I said she can't) so she pushed out the shield and here were her thoughts:

Bella – I love you Edward…

I think she was going to think some more but I kissed her there… and the shield went back in place…

Well, this was an interesting 'entry'… I will go before I sound even more mental…

I know what you are thinking,

Edward Cullen.

* * *

**You review = Me update **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank to everyone who reviews, favorites, and puts me on their alert list! Keep it up!**

**This story is now part of a community!! Ta-da! It is called 'The Cookie League'!  
**

**_D__isclaimer: Twilight and it's characters are not mine. They belong to Stephenie Meyer._**

* * *

June 19, 2020

Dear thing,

We were away hunting all day yesterday and part of today. So obviously I didn't bring my thing (diary…) with me. Ah! I still can't get used to the idea of writing in a diary… I thought that maybe today I would get away with not writing, but then Bella brought the diary to me and told me that I need to write to 'let all my feelings out'. Okay, I should get this over with.

My feelings:

Well today when I was hunting I was very mad (feeling: mad). Let me explain to you, we were hunting with the whole family, so since Nessie was with us the dog had to come… it's as if he is tied on a leash to her! Follows her everywhere! So anyway, they start kissing right there in front of all of us, and then he.. oh I don't want to even write it down!! And his thoughts made me feel even madder (feeling: more mad)! Nessie has only been on this earth for about 12 years, of course physically she will not growing anymore… but still!! She is only twelve!! Can you see where I get a little angry (Feeling: a little angry)??

And the thing that made me very annoyed (feeling: annoyed) is that no one else cared!! The rest of the family didn't care that my precious daughter was making out with a mutt in the middle of the forest; they acted as is nothing of the ordinary was happening!! I got to admit, once in a while they do kiss in front of me but they both know that this is not acceptable!!! So I did what I had to do, I punched Jacob in the gut while he was kissing her. He flew a little ways and hit the ground. I growled a 'Don't do that to my little girl' at him, and I was feeling a little happy (feeling: happy) that he wasn't kissing my daughter anymore…

But then Nessie and Bella started yelling that I was too overprotective (is that a feeling?)… I am not… I have reasons!! I was a little sad (feeling: sad) that everyone was mad at me… But Bella sensed that I was sad and started kissing me… so then I was feeling better... (feeling: better)

I heard Jacob mutter something about 'Go get a room' at us... but I didn't care (feeling? not caring?)

I am still not coming to terms with that mutt and my little girl…together... maybe it will be better in six or so years... but definitely not now. Not now.

So a little overview of my feelings on the hunting trip: Mad, more mad, a little angry, annoyed, happy, overprotective?, sad, better. I think that I did pretty well with writing down my feelings.

I am never doing that again. I mean writing down my feelings, I'm sure I'll punch Jacob again though…

I think my family is going to throw me a surprised birthday party tomorrow... I can't be sure though... I keep catching glimpses in some of their minds before they realize it and try to hide it from me... I guess I'll wait and see...

- - - - - - - -

I read over my 'entry' or whatever you call it. I sound crazy.

Trust me, I'm really not. (Who am I even talking too??)

Never mind, cross that, I am.

Overprotective mental father who doesn't like to write feelings down,

Edward Cullen.

* * *

**Hm, I don't like this chapter much... you?**

**Click that review button.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I cannot thank you enough for the Reviews/Favorites/Alerts!!! THANK YOU ALL!!!  
**

**Well, here is another entry. Enjoy. I don't have much to say so I'll stop writing and let you do the reading (and reviewing when finished...). :)**

_**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. She is. I'm not.**_

* * *

June 20, 2020.

Dear thing,

I was right. I had a surprise birthday 'party' or 'celebration' or whatever you would like to call it today. I thought maybe Bella wouldn't make me write today or would forget about it. But she told me that it was an important event, and so I have to record it. Great. I'm with Bella locked up in our room right now so no one sees me writing except for Bella of course.

So anyway, as anyone might have guessed it was all Alice's idea...isn't everything? It wasn't a big event of course... just my 119th birthday (well.... my 18th....) so just my family was there. Oh, and someone invited that mutt over. Alice forced Bella, Nessie, Rosalie, and Esme to help her make the cake... I don't even get why we need cake... we don't eat, Nessie doesn't like it, so the dog just ate it all! The cake was huge. It was about a foot tall and four feet in diameter. That's HUGE. Apparently Alice wanted the cake to be that big so she could spell out my name on it using all of the 119 candles.

She made everyone sing Happy Birthday to me, then I blew out my candles. I blew all of them out in one blow. Is that supposed to be good luck? Oh, whatever. And I did make a wish. No, I am not writing the wish down. No one can make me write it down.

Then it was 'time to open presents!'. We went to our living room, and everyone handed me their presents one by one, while trying very hard not to think about what was in the present.

Here are the presents that I received today:

From Esme - Esme gave me another mattress (all wrapped up) for Bella's and my room. Actually, mattress would be the understatement of the decade. It was more of like a whole bed. With the bed frame, headboard, covers on it, pillows, and all that stuff.

From Carlisle - Multiple books. Thick books about all kinds of things and in many different languages. He said there was one particular Italian book about vampires that was pretty close to the truth he wanted me to read. I will start reading soon.

From Alice - A closet full of new clothes. I'm not kidding. The whole closet. Stuffed with new clothes (with tags) for me. I swear, this happens every year.

From Jasper - Cd's. Twenty new Cd's. Full of good music (music that I like). I'm going to enjoy this present... Actually, I am already. I'm listening to it right now.

From Rosalie - A car. She bought me a car. Not just any car, the car doesn't even have a name. It is one of the fist made experimental cars in a small town in Europe. It can even fly! She got it and added more things to it then it already had. So it's a one of a kind. It's a nice shiny silver color, like my old Volvo. Well, I could really go on for days about all the cars amazing effects and skills but that would take a while... and I hate writing in here so I'm moving on. I decided since the car doesn't have a name I will give it my own. The car is called, 'Rose'.

From Emmett - A thong. Yes, you heard me right. Emmett gave me a thong for my 119th birthday. It came with a note saying, "Bella will enjoy this!"

From Nessie and the dog - A nice laptop, one of the really new high tech ones. It is very small and sleek, compact. It is also a very interesting color, golden, 'to match your eyes' as Nessie said.

From Bella - Ah, Bella. Her love for me is a present enough. But she got me another gift. About ten beautiful antique frames with pictures of myself, Bella, and Nessie in them. My favorite picture is one of the three of us, around the the time after the showdown with the Volturi. The picture is one of the last we took in Forks, we just all look so happy there.... I need to hang these pictures up in our room immediately.

So that is it for my presents. I did get a lot of good things, I'm quite satisfied.

I could blab some more in here, but Bella just left so I get to stop writing! I think I will go take my Rose out on a drive....

I'm 119 years old today,

Edward Cullen.

* * *

**What do you think?**

**Did you like his presents?**

**Review. :) **

**Please?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ah, thank you for the love on this story!! All of you who review, fav, and alert, THANK YOU!**

**Sorry for the long update wait... busy with the holidays. Grr... I'll be busy with school soon... but I'll still try to update soon. **

**You should get to your reading, so byebye. And, thank you again.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight sort of doesn't belong to me.**

* * *

June 22, 2020

Dear thing,

Yesterday Bella didn't force me to write, I was too busy with my presents. But today she just gave me that go-up-to-your-room-and-write-now-or-else look… so here I am. Writing a diary entry. NO. A thing entry?? Still doesn't sound quite…. right… A thing thing? Better.. better….

I've been enjoying all my presents. Yes, you heard me right, ALL the presents. Every single one of them.

The bed Esme got me is very – er… soft… and comfortable… at night… even though we don't sleep …but… yeah. Emmett's present got used during the night too………

Alice dressed me up this morning in some of the new clothes she got me; a pair of faded gray colored jeans and a button down shirt that Bella is in love with... so I guess I'm using Alice's present too. Well… not under my own free will… but still…

I've got on to my new laptop already – I like it even better than my old one. Didn't think that was quite possible. Bella's framed pictures are all around the room now, I can't stop staring at them, I swear.

I've listened to most of Jasper's Cd's already, along with reading some of the books Carlisle got me. He was right, that book about vampires, if I dare say so myself, is very very creepy. Creepy not like scary, but how real it is. It is sooo close to the truth…

Oh, and here I get to the most important present I haven't mentioned yet. The Rose car. My Rose….

So maybe I should start at the beginning of the story…

Yesterday I was very exited about my Rose so I took it (it? or is it a her..?) out on a drive around the town. So I was speeding, the regular oh, hundred a mile speed, you know, windows down, hair in the wind type of thing. I was probably going faster than a hundred now that I think about it. So I here a siren. Police siren. I ignore it, as per usual. Put it keeps going on and on, getting louder. Then I heard the thoughts of the police man…. '_Damn, drunken, spoiled, rich teen in that new fancy car!!! I bet it is!!! He is speeding out of his mind on the damn highway!!! Over a hundred on my radar! Not even pulling over, how dare he!!!!'_

Actually, more like screaming the thoughts then saying them. As if he knew I would hear it…

So back to what I was saying, after I heard his thoughts I immediately knew I had four options.

Option one: Pull over. Get a ticket. The problem is, I have never gotten a ticket. Never ever ever.

Option two: Try to out speed the policeman. This might be risky though, I didn't want more of them after me.

Option Three: Try to dazzle the man. This probably wouldn't work though, just a lost effort with what the policeman was thinking…

So I chose option four: Fly away in the car.

I made my decision in two quick seconds, and shirted the gear to fly away. This was the first time I flew in the car, but it worked like magic. I was out of there in a few more seconds, only hearing the policeman's screaming thoughts fade away in the distance.

I didn't tell anyone about the incident. Got home after my flight, and did normal things like usual.

Then this morning we had our flat screen on in the living room, the news, and suddenly my car was on there, flying thought the air. Every pair of eyes looked at me. The news people thankfully didn't know whose car it was and have no lead.

So basically the summary of this whole thing is that I'm not allowed to drive The Rose on this continent anymore… I can still drive it on other continents though… there are six more out there… so it's okay…

I think though this whole mess I learned one thing.

That I should have chosen option three.

Dazzlingly speeding, yours,

Edward Cullen.

* * *

**Not my fav chap... **

**but did you like it?**

**Remember to leave me a Review. I luv 'em.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I am amazed by the number of people who like this story!!!! OVER 100 REVIEWS!!! OME!!! WOOOO!!!!**

**THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!! (for the reviews, favorites, alerts) Please keep reviewing (read my AN on the bottom too...)!! **

**Sorry for the long wait, as I said last chap, I'm sorta busy now. **

**Be expecting another chapter this weekend though - because I'm soo happy with the number of people liking this story!  
**

_**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. I do not own Twilight. I'd think you would have realized this by now...  
**_

* * *

June 23, 2020

Dear thing,

Bella let go of her shield a couple seconds ago and thought this: Edward, go write in your diary. I think you should get everything that is going on inside your brain out. Go ahead, write in your diary. Then she mentally giggled at the word diary and the shield snapped back.

So, I dashed upstairs and here I am. Writing in this thing. Locked in our room. Locked in the bathroom (that no one really uses…). Not that the locks will stop vampires… but they don't know I'm writing in here so they have no reason to disturb me.

Why do I have to write in here??? Nothing interesting is happening currently!

Well… actually… something is…

I'm not allowed to drive my Rose on this continent, as I wrote in here last time, so I've been exploring my options of places I could drive it. Since I can't wait to drive it again.

I'll write my options on where to go with my Rose here:

South America – This is an okay option… but the problem is that I would probably end up going to Brazil. Which doesn't work for many reasons. First, the sun. And even if there wasn't sun… do you know what beaches are like there?? And what they would do on the beach to someone looking as good as I do?? Yeah, I thought so, definitely not going here.

Asia – This continent is alright, been here many times. But for some reason the people in China don't like me. I'm serious, they like hate me. All Chinese people in China hate me!! So I can't go there… they will do something to my Rose… and they give me weird looks…

Europe – I like Europe. Russia is a nice place to be… there are some places without sun there. The only tiny problem is that I refuse to be on the same continent as the Volturi. Yes, I'm paranoid.

Africa – Ah, good old Africa.. Where the sun shines bright!! So… that wouldn't really work out?? Would it?? And plus, the poverty that is there… do you know how they will look at my car?? They would get like a heart attack or something…

Australia – Nice continent… but again… sun… Why is it that most of the continents are sunny!!!! I like Australia though… poisonous animals have a very good blood taste…this sweet taste… and then it's sour…. but the aftertaste is sorta bad. Tastes like crap. But then I can just have some kangaroo blood… that has a nice aftertaste…

Antarctica – This continent is perfect, right? No people here, the cold, just me and my Rose… right? Well, wrong. Way wrong. The penguins. The penguins are there. And they are not nice. Not nice at all. Very mean. Yes, I'm a vampire, and I am deathly scared of penguins. I'm not kidding. I've never told anyone though… so I don't know if I could go here. I do believe though that I should try to overcome my phobia…

So, those are my options on where to go with my Rose. I just read through them… I still can't decide.

I will try to write a short thing in here before I leave… to say where I'm going… but then I'll probably be gone for a week and when I come back Bella will force me to write of my "experiences"

I guess this is enough writing for today...

I have Sphenisciphobia,

Edward Cullen

* * *

**Wadaya think?**

**If you read it - review it**

**In your review if you could please give your opinion on where you think Edward should go, that would be amazing!!! I'll count up where people think he should go the most.. and he'll go there!!!**

**thanx,**

**Nastia.**


	8. Chapter 8

_OME!!! Thank you all for being so patient with me not updating in so long!! (Well… not everyone was patient… but still)_

_I'm really really busy write now but don't worry, I will still update and I have not forgotten about fanfiction!!!!! _

_Oh, and I will try to get around to updating Natural Love!_

_Please keep reviewing, I love reading them!!! It just makes me soooo happy!!!_

_YEY!!! Almost 200 reviews!! WHOOP WHOOP thanx!!_

_ok… guess u wanna get to reading…_

**Disclaimer: Twilight: Stephanie Meyer: Not me**

**

* * *

  
**

June 25, 2020

Dear thing,

I am leaving for Antarctica in about 5 minutes.

I finally have decided that is where I will go with my Rose, I will overcome my fears! Even though it might be difficult… why do penguins hate me??

The thing is it will not only be my Rose and I like I was planning… Bella is coming too…. I can't believe I didn't realize that she wouldn't let me leave without her! So along the way I somehow need to figure out how to tell Bella that I'm afraid of… um… the black and white things with wings that don't fly… I mean, I need to tell her just so she is prepared…

Right now Alice decided that Bella didn't pack enough clothes… so Alice is doing some last minute packing for Bella. And I just decided to write this down quickly before I leave….

I just heard Alice yelling, "BELLA, WHY DID U TAKE THE BIKINI OUT OF THE SUITECASE?!!!????!!??"

Wow. Alice's thoughts are saying the exact same thing… weird….

Who needs a bikini on Antarctica?

Anyway… I've been doing some research… on… penguins… I went to Google (yes, vampires use Google) ((I wonder if there's such a thing as vampire Google?)) (((Self note: look it up))) ((((I can't believe I just wrote all that down!! Of course there's no vampire Google!! What was I thinking??))))

So … I typed in penguin… then pressed the 'I'm Feeling Lucky' button, because I was feeling lucky… but then Club Penguin came up… so that wasn't much help.

After that I just did it the old fashioned way and went to Wikipedia…

Here are some interesting penguin facts I found on there:

There are penguins that are 3 ft and 7 inches tall!!! I didn't know that!! That's so BIG though!

It says they use their wings for flippers…. more like to slap my face… OW

What are Emperor and King Penguins???

There are a bunch of movies that are from over a decade ago about penguins… how do kids watch these things?? Some listed are Surfs Up, March of the Penguins, and Happy Feet

Penguins are scary. (Well, it didn't say that directly… but it's true!)

Uh – oh .. Bella's ready to go…

Okay. I guess we are leaving now and I'm sure Bella will make me write all about it when I get back….

I use Google,

Edward Cullen.

* * *

**Yeah, not my favorite either…**

**Review and I'll try to update soonish.**


End file.
